


Always Apologising

by ohmyallstars



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, M/M, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-29
Updated: 2012-12-29
Packaged: 2017-11-22 20:38:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/614097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmyallstars/pseuds/ohmyallstars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam is a patient and caring boy, but when one of the classmates he is tutoring, Louis, makes a snide comment regarding Liam’s sexuality for the third time, he makes the decision to end their study sessions. What he doesn’t realise is that Louis is struggling with more than just his studies and that he needs a friend like Liam more than ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always Apologising

‘Hey Liam, are you ready to learn me real good today?’ Louis asked as he threw his bag into the empty seat behind him. The curly brown haired boy rolled his eyes at the loud boy beside him and marked his page in his well-worn book.

‘Have you learnt anything from last time?’ He asked, receiving a bright smile in reply. Ignoring the pang in his stomach that usually reared its ugly head when Louis was around he said ‘Alrighty then, prepare to be learnt you like you’ve never been learnt before. Get your books out.’

 

‘I hate you.’ Louis groaned loudly. They had been working on the same poem for over an hour but he was still struggling to understand and analyse it. ‘I don’t get any of this. You’re supposed to be helping me with this crap.’

‘English is not crap and honestly, you’re being a drama queen.’ Liam said quietly. He was very good at disguising his anger and annoyance and that is why he’d thought he’d be a good tutor; he had excellent grades and people skills and more importantly, he needed the money.

‘I thought being a queen was your speciality.’ Louis snapped as he threw yet another balled up piece of work at the over flowing waste basket. He glanced at Liam when the younger boy drew in a sharp intake of breath and knew he’d once again overstepped a boundary. ‘I’m sorry Liam; I just don’t understand any of this.’

‘I think we’re done here.’ Liam said quietly as he began packing his things into his bag. Louis swallowed as he realised that he’d screwed up a lot more than his last chance at graduating, but he couldn’t think of anything to say to fix the situation. ‘I’m not one of your ‘buddies’ Louis and I won’t put up with your attitude anymore. After last time, I told you that one more joke in regards to my sexuality and I would end our study sessions.’

‘Liam, please, I’m begging you. I need this!’ He cried out, reaching an arm towards the younger boy in desperation. ‘I take back what I said, I’m sorry.’

‘Look, it’s too late. I gave you yet another chance and you blew it. In case you haven’t noticed, being gay has nothing to do with my abilities and you just have to accept that you need my help even if I am a ‘queen’, ‘a raging homo’ or a ‘fairy’.’ He walked away from the table, his head held high, but he couldn’t help feeling disappointed that it had had to come to this. He liked Louis, and he thought he was a good guy but too many years of being at the butt of everyone’s jokes (no pun intended) had left him very closed off to homophobic or stereotypical comments.

He knew that Louis didn’t really mean what he’d said but he also knew that other people weren’t as forgiving as he was and that if he didn’t do something to stop it, Louis’s big mouth might get him in trouble one day.

‘Liam!’ He heard the other boy yell after him but he ignored it and kept walking.

 

Just as he’d expected, a couple of hours later he had a voicemail from Louis. It was a short message where he basically repeated his apologies from earlier and reminded Liam how important their tutoring sessions where to him because without them he would surely fail without them, but Liam deleted it immediately.

 

A week or so later, Liam was reading in bed when his phone rang. The shrill sound made his heart pound furiously because it was really late and he hadn’t been expecting a call from anyone. So that he didn’t wake up his mum or his sister he quickly answered without thinking to check the caller ID.

‘Why hello there, I am looking for Mr Payne!’ A drunken voice yelled into the phone. Liam knew it was a boy’s voice but he didn’t recognise it as any of his friends.

‘Who is this?’ He hissed, ‘Why are you calling me in the middle of the night?’

‘I was wiv some bodies and they left me in the park! How rude of them, wouldnya say Lee-yum?’

‘You were with bodies?’ Liam asked immediately before he realised that the boy probably mean buddies. There was only one boy that he knew of that always used the word buddies and it was Louis Tomlinson. ‘Louis is this you? What the hell is wrong with you?’

‘I have a big mouth!’ The drunken boy volunteered happily. There was a loud bang through the phone that was followed by a loud groan.

‘What happened, Louis? Are you alright?’ He asked, growing concerned. The other boy started giggling and Liam could hear scuffling noises.

‘’M fine, babe. I just fell off the bench is all. But the grass is so soft. It’s like carpet! It’s Jesus’s carpet Liam!’ Louis’s laughter turned manic and Liam knew that he had to do something to help him.

‘Where are you Louis? I’ll come get you?’ He asked slowly, to ensure that Louis heard him properly.

‘I don’t know Liam, do I look like a dictionary?’ Louis asked exasperatedly. He started laughing again, as if realising his mistake and Liam had to say his name several times before he regained his attention.

‘Look around you! Do you see anything, anything at all?’ He asked.

‘There’s a train. I’ve never been on a real train before. It looks like the Hogwarts Express!’ Louis yelled loudly. He fell silent for a moment and then he screamed into the phone, ‘Nectarine nincompoop!’

‘What the hell does that mean?’ Liam demanded as he pulled on a pair of jeans. He was holding the phone between his ear and his shoulder and just as Louis said something it dropped to the floor. He scooped it up and asked him to repeat it.

‘I said, it’s a magic spell, obviously!’ Louis repeated. Liam didn’t try to contain his laughter, and he heard the other boy make an annoyed sound through the phone and mumbled something about stupid muggles before he hung up.

‘Shit.’ Liam said under his breath. He finished getting dressed and then scrawled a note to his mum that explained where he’s gone in case she woke up before he got back. When Louis had mentioned the train, Liam had known exactly where he was as it was a park only a couple of blocks from his house.

 

‘Louis? LOUIS?’ Liam called as he climbed out of the car. Nearly all of the street lights surrounding the grassed area were broken so it was almost impossible to see anything, but finally Liam noticed a white bundle in the grass on the other side of the train and he ran towards it.

Louis was lying on his back on the grass, staring up at the sky with a ridiculous smile on his face. When he noticed Liam the smile widened and he waved lazily.

‘Hello! Why are you in my park?’ He asked in a sing song voice. He looked surprised to see him, and Liam realised that he’d probably already forgotten the call in his drunken stupor.

‘You rang me remember? I wasn’t going to just leave you here.’ Liam reminded him. He looked around but he couldn’t see anyone else. ‘Where are your friends Louis?’

‘They left me, but you’re here now so I’m okay.’ He told him sleepily, his smile fading from his face. ‘I’m okay now.’

‘You can’t go to sleep Louis.’ He said, nudging him with his foot. The only response he got was a grumpy moan so he sat down beside him. ‘Wake up Louis; you can’t sleep out in the open like this. You’ll get sick.’

‘Why do you care? You’re an abandoner.’ Louis mumbled accusingly under his breath. It brought a smile to Liam’s face briefly before he felt sorry for the older boy.

‘I didn’t abandon you, I gave you a third chance and you blew it.’

‘I know.’ He whispered, as he opened and closed his eyes to wake himself up a bit. Liam pulled his arm and helped him into a sitting position while he continued talking. ‘I’m sorry. You scare me Lee-yum’

‘Why? Because I’m gay?’ He asked, growing annoyed all over again. He had after all driven to the park in the middle of the night to deal with a drunk boy that he didn’t even consider as one of his friends and he wasn’t really in the mood to be insulted or discriminated against.

‘No, it’s because you’re perfect.’ Louis sang loudly. He caught sight of Liam’s face and seemed to immediately sober up a bit.

‘What?’ He asked, not believing his ears.

‘Nothing, I’m drunk.’ Louis groaned as he tried to stand up. He was struggling considerably so Liam offered him his hand for support. It was gratefully taken but as soon as he maintained his balance Louis released it again. ‘Can we please go?’

‘Sure, are you okay to walk?’ He asked, sceptical of Louis’s abilities, but he was reassured slightly when he nodded and started rambling towards the car park.

 

‘Are you alright?’ Liam asked when they were in the car. They hadn’t left yet, but Louis looked like he was struggling. ‘Please don’t vomit in the car, it’s my mum’s.’

‘I’m not going to throw up, don’t worry.’ He promised. The weird expression didn’t leave his face however and Liam waited for an explanation that didn’t come.

‘Where do you want me to take you?’ He asked finally. Louis shrugged and twisted at the ring on his middle finger, something that Liam had noticed he usually did when he was worried about a test or something.

‘Home I guess.’ He shrugged.

‘Is anyone there?’ Liam asked, already guessing that the answer would be no.

‘No.’ Louis confirmed. Without asking he started the car and headed towards his own house. That passed a familiar street and Louis turned to Liam curiously, ‘you should’ve turned down there.’

‘I’m not taking you to your house. If you pass out and throw up, you could die and there is no way I’m going to be responsible for that.’ He said, bracing himself for Louis’s protests or an onslaught of jokes about how this was all part of Liam’s plan to seduce him, but instead he just nodded and remained silent.

 

‘You need to be quiet, okay? My mum and my sister are asleep.’ Liam warned Louis, earning a nod in response. They snuck into the house and when Liam turned to lock the front door behind them a loud crash and the sound of breaking glass made him jump out of his skin. He turned to see Louis frozen in a ninja-like pose and one of his mum’s vases smashed on the ground, flowers strewn everywhere. ‘What did I just say, you idiot?’

‘I’m sorry, I’ll pay for it!’ He hissed. He relaxed his arms again and gave Liam a look that melted his entirely too soft heart. ‘I tried to catch it…’

‘Don’t worry about it; I’ll clean it up later.’

‘I’m sor-’ he repeated, but unsuccessfully as he was interrupted.

‘Liam? Ruth? Was it one of you that made that noise?’ A woman’s voice called from upstairs. ‘Who’s there?’

‘Sorry mum, it’s me. One of my friends was in some trouble so I picked him up.’ Liam called to her quietly. He heard her sigh in relief and realised that she’d probably thought someone was breaking in. ‘I’m sorry for waking you.’

‘You gave me a heart attack LJ. Are you trying to kill me, love?’ She laughed. He heard her slippers shuffling back to her room and he let out the breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding.

‘Come on, doofus. My room is this way.’ Liam said, grabbing Louis’s t-shirt and dragging him to the back of the house. Once in his room, he sat on the edge of Liam’s bed without invitation, but he didn’t mind too much.

‘I am honestly so sorry Liam.’ he said sincerely.

‘I know, don’t worry about it.’ He said with a smile. ‘Mistakes happen, and I’ll just clean it up in the morning.’

‘Not just that, I’m sorry about everything. The stuff I said to you, and all those times I swore at you.’ He took a deep breath and met Liam’s eyes. ‘I’m sorry for calling you in the middle of the night like some twelve year old girl…’

He lay back on the bed and Liam lay down beside him, but far enough away that it wouldn’t make him feel uncomfortable or threatened.

‘It’s fine, you were really drunk.’ Liam reminded him. ‘What did you mean? Before, when you said that you were scared because I’m perfect?’

He waited for an answer but one didn’t come and after a minute or so, he realised that Louis had fallen asleep. There was a smile on the sleeping’s boy’s face and Liam found himself mesmerised by the older boy’s looks. He’d always thought that Louis was ridiculously good looking, and he was also extremely confident which Liam greatly admired. A lot of the time his confidence turned into cockiness however, and that was a trait less admired.

He removed Louis’s shoes and then covered him with the blankets before rolling off of the bed and lying down on the lumpy couch in the corner. It was horrible to sleep on, but he knew that it was a safer option than sleeping with Louis when he might wake up with an attitude.

 

‘Liam?’ He heard someone ask in a panicked voice. In the darkness of the room it took him a moment to realise where he was, but then he remembered that Louis was in his bed and he was on the couch and he sat up slightly.

‘What’s wrong Lou?’ He whispered uncomfortably because his voice was still thick and gravelly from sleep.

‘Nothing, I was just checking that you were still here. Umm, where are you?’ He heard the panic lessen in Louis’s voice but he still didn’t sound completely normal.

‘I’m over on the couch. You fell asleep on my bed.’ He recounted for him. There was a long moment of silence and he heard Louis rolling over.

‘Is the couch comfortable?’ he finally asked in a voice that was barely a whisper. He wasn’t entirely sure where Louis was going with this, but he decided to go with it.

‘No.’ He said quickly.

‘Well you can come over here if you want to; it’s your bed after all. If you want me to, I’ll move onto the couch.’ Louis offered nervously. He sounded sad and excited all at once and Liam felt a similar blend of emotion.

‘Are you sure you don’t mind?’ he whispered back.

‘I don’t. It’s not fair for you to have to sleep over-’ he was cut off but Liam bumping into the edge of the bed and nearly toppling onto him. ‘Are you alright?’

He mumbled an apology as Louis scooted over and made room for him. It was awkward at first for Liam to lie in Louis’s warm spot but it soon became comforting and he found himself drifting back to sleep.

‘Liam?’ Louis whispered, bringing him back to consciousness. He grunted softly, to let Louis know he’d heard him, but other than that he didn’t move. ‘Thank you.’

He grunted again, and he heard Louis sigh. It was a weird situation to find himself in, for he wanted to cuddle up to Louis, but he wasn’t sure how the other boy would react and on the other hand he wanted to go back to the couch where the temptation was completely removed and he could get a good night’s sleep. He was almost asleep again when he felt Louis move and a cool hand wrapped itself around his wrist.

He smiled in the darkness and pulled his arm free. Louis went to move it away again, but Liam grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers. Nobody spoke or moved again and they drifted off to sleep, still holding hands.

 

When Liam woke up, he rolled over expecting to find Louis but instead he found an empty bed. It was a sight that had never really affected him before, but on that morning it seemed like the most depressing scene ever. He made his way to the kitchen and found that the shattered glass and flowers from the night before had been cleaned up but a quick check on his family told him that they hadn’t woken up yet. It hurt him that Louis would just leave without telling him, but he figured that the other boy was probably confused and hungover and just wanted to be in his own bed at home.

 

Another week passed, and Liam was driving home from his afternoon tutoring lessons. He hadn’t seen or spoken to Louis since he’d disappeared from his house and their teachers wouldn’t say where he was except that he’d called in sick. He was growing agitated because every time his phone rang or he got a message he expected it to be from Louis but it never was.

He turned into the driveway and noticed someone huddled on the porch. It didn’t take him long to realise it was Louis, and when he climbed out of the car the older boy looked up and smiled.

‘What are you doing here Louis?’ He asked, not even trying to hide his annoyance. Louis’s smile faltered at his tone but he quickly recovered.

‘I wanted to see you.’ He explained quickly. He stood up as Liam got his bag and things from the back seat and watched him.

‘I’m not sure if I want to see you.’ Liam told him truthfully before slamming the car door a tad too hard. The loud bang echoed down the quiet street but neither he nor Louis flinched at the noise.

‘I’m sorry.’ He mumbled. Liam walked towards the house, pushing past him when Louis didn’t move out of the way. He made it to front door before Louis grabbed him and made him drop his bags. He knew he should be concerned about his laptop that sat at the bottom of one of them, but the crestfallen look on Louis’s face made nothing else in the world seemed very important. ‘I’m sorry Liam.’

‘You seem to say that a lot, don’t you? Why don’t you put half the effort you put into apologising into trying not to do stupid and hurtful stuff in the first place?’ Liam snapped. He knew he wasn’t being fair, but he was tired of being caring and considerate all the time.

‘I know I should have said something sooner, but I honestly didn’t know what. You make me feel things Liam, things that I really don’t want to feel and you scare the absolute shit out of me.’ He blurted in a panic.

‘I don’t control how you feel Louis, that’s not my fault.’

‘After I left last week I went home and watched a lot of porn [‘delightful’]. No, listen to me. I looked at gay porn and the things they did to each other frightened and disgusted me. I am not attracted to men, I like girls. I still get raging boners over boobs and lady parts. I don’t like boys!’ He concluded firmly. Liam felt his heart sink and he suddenly why Louis had wasted his time by coming over and telling him all that, when he didn’t want anything from him. He wasn’t attracted to boys. ‘All that said, when I think of – when I think of doing that stuff with you….’

‘So what are you saying? You do or you don’t like me?’

‘I do! That’s the problem. I think about you all the time. Every bloody day, and the thought of doing that stuff with you, well, it doesn’t disgust me. I want it. I need it.’ he stopped himself when he realised that his voice was growing louder with every word and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. ‘I need you.’

‘I need you too.’ Liam admitted, as much to himself as to the boy before him.

‘But how is this even possible?’ He whined. Liam wasn’t entirely sure, but he knew that forcing a label on what Louis was feeling would just confuse him even more.

‘Maybe you’re learning to look past the surface flaws. You’re saying that you like me and it’s for the person I am, regardless of my body or gender.’ He reasoned.

‘It’s fucked up.’ Louis groaned, although he was smiling slightly.

‘I think it’s beautiful.’ Liam argued spiritedly.

‘You’re beautiful.’ He retorted with a blush. ‘Can we just go really slowly and be friends first? I don’t know how to go about any of this. I never even thought it was possible.’

‘Yeah, of course. Do you want to come in? We could watch a film or something.’ Liam offered. Without hesitation, Louis nodded and followed Liam into the house with some of the bags that had been forgotten at their feet.

He wasn’t disillusioned, and he knew that they had a lot of work ahead of them, but for the time being he was happy to at least have a new friend in Louis. He couldn’t wait to see where it would lead him and when Louis grabbed his hand and their eyes met, he knew that he was just as scared and excited.

For Liam it was comforting to know that Louis’s homophobia and stereotyping had come from his own concerns about his sexuality and not because he disliked Liam, as he’d previously thought. It made him ridiculously happy to know that somebody thought he was beautiful and perfect, especially when that someone was as beautiful and perfect as Louis Tomlinson.


End file.
